::cracking knuckles:: Hey guys! It feels good to be back. I wish there were a long intricate story to accompany my absence - There is not. However, there is this; I wanted this blog to be a reflection of “real life”. A place to where we get through it together. We often see or hear the stories of the other side of through. Which is wonderful. They serve as our glimmer of hope - the silver lining. They're the window view of what can be, and thats encouraging…most days. On others, they're a reminder of exactly where you are not. That can be a painful reminder in its own right.
Sometimes you just want to be met where you are with hearts that mirror your own. Not to wallow together in pity, but to know that theres someone in the trenches with you. One who understands the exact climate and conditions you're facing in real time, so that you can weather it together. However, finding another person to wade with means that you have to admit that you're stuck too. Sharing what life is in the moment takes tremendous amounts of vulnerability, and truthfully, I wasn't ready to be wide open, until now.
The older I get I'm finding that life is a continuum of brokenness and revival, in which we break down for a period and then we rebuild ourselves. We break down again and build back up once more. Sometimes it happens in less significant ways, say when you grow expressively and may change your clothing style by trading sweats for a more polished look. Then there are more impactful ways such as realizing you need to alter your eating habits to attain a healthier lifestyle and hopefully, a prolonged lifespan. Other times we’re breaking down thicker, more cemented walls like unearthing the ability to trust after being hurt by someone you loved. Or learning to pour into yourself again after letting the words and/or actions of other broken people tear you down. If you allow it, you’re constantly rebuilding in order to heal, to progress, and to ultimately become better versions of ourselves. No matter what stage you're at in the breakdown, it’s valid. It doesn't mean that we’ve failed. It doesn't mean that we’re less. It’s the quite the contrary. We’re growing out of and then shedding something that, whether we knew it or not, was holding us back. We’re leaving behind what's no longer needed in order to elevate.
There’s beauty in the struggle. The lesser decorated hero of traveling through something difficult, is the ability to talk about it while it’s happening. There's a particular stigma around healing out in the open. We’re taught that everyone doesn't need to know all of your business and that some things are best kept to yourself. I don't totally disagree with that sentiment. I do believe that there are some moments that should be reserved just for ourselves. Some things you need to process independently without the “noise” of the outside world clouding that sacred healing. On too many occasions social media has given us a front row seat to people breaking down out loud. We have all witnessed the very public and messy break-ups, and of estranged friends. Then the following week all errs are forgiven solidified by selfies with the previously ousted crew #rideordie…Really??!? Healing internally is healthful, but so is mindful sharing. I was chatting with a close friend of mine a while back and she said something that has stuck with me. Sometimes sharing our story is like providing a meal for someone else. You are feeding their spirit so that they can be sustained to go on.
NO MATTER WHAT STAGE YOU'RE AT IN THE BREAKDOWN, ITS VALID. IT DOESN'T MEAN THAT WE'VE FAILED. IT DOESN'T MEAN THAT WE'RE LESS. IT'S QUITE THE CONTRARY. WE'RE GROWING OUT OF AND THEN SHEDDING SOMETHING THAT, WHETHER WE KNEW IT OR NOT, WAS HOLDING US BACK. WE'RE LEAVING BEHIND WHAT'S NO LONGER NEEDED IN ORDER TO ELEVATE.
In the spirit of nourishment I share this; It has been hard to stay optimistic as of late. I'm still searching for the right job opportunity and also for the right timing. It’s uncomfortable operating within a heavily confined budget, and at times, also living with my parents (I mentally threaten to pack up at least every other week). It would be an absolute lie if I said the onlookers don't get to me on occasion. It’s hard to hear that what I believe to be the most liberating time of my life, looks dismal from someone else’s seat. But I’ve learned it’s far more uncomfortable to live to life accommodating other people’s perceptions and worse still, out of God’s plan. Only you know what’s right for you. Even when it’s not ideal, you still can feel when you're headed in (or out of) the right direction. It’s hard and terrifying starting over, but I’m blessed to be able to do it and so thankful for the opportunity. I’m making it work and surprisingly have never felt more like myself or more empowered than I do in this perceivably muddle state.
Like the phoenix, some of the most remarkable and triumphant legacies were born from ashes. Don’t fight your breakdown. Better yet, don't fight sharing it. It may very well be the liberation and morsel that someone else needs to continue on. If we’re really all in this together, let’s make sure to keep each other nourished for the trek. Hope you're full!