4 Walls of Contentment
This last year has been one full of transition. Significantly, I gave birth to my second child, severed my marriage to my friend, and along with my two children, moved back in with my parents. If I have learned anything in leaving behind my home of nearly 5 years - and most of my worldly possessions - is that less, can in fact, be more.
Moving back in with my family required me to trim down the excess in the physical sense, as well as strip down my internal clutter too. I had to take a good look at myself and really deal with that person. First, I had to humble myself to make the move. What adult wants to face moving back home, let alone with children?!! I felt helpless, and worried that I'd be a burden. Then I had to ask myself the hard questions. Who am I now that I wasn't a "we". What will I do? What makes me happy? I had nothing to hide behind. No cozy family front. No two walk-in closets worth of clothes. It was just me, and I honestly hadn't had to deal with her in quite some time.
What I began to discover is that I had lost touch with the very essence of me. I'd been tirelessly trying to mold myself into the person I thought I needed to be for others, that I had lost touch with who I wanted to be - Who I needed to be. Also, I had to stop feeling sorry for myself. Like, later for that. Life happens. It's imperfect. It's joyous and messy all the same. I have an amazing "village" that helped me get through it. My family extended their hand when I needed it most. And what are families for, if not to support and uplift each other especially in times such as these. There is never any shame in letting those that love you demonstrate that love, and I thank God for them. And lastly, I feel less absorbed with the "excess"; the superficial things. While my life became somewhat forcibly minimalistic, I found that I didn't miss most things (and I'm a shopper y'all !). Ive refocused on what's essential; whats important. And that realignment feels good.
Somehow my past five years, pilled into a 10' x 15' room with my two littles, makes me feel more at home than I have in years. I've found contentment for the first time in a long time. As for dealing with that person within that I haven't seen in a while? I kinda like her, and this time I'll make sure to keep her around.